I’ll take my chances…

So… I’ve been blogging for *cough* years now, and never really done religion. There is a very good reason for this… I just don’t care what you are, as long as you’re not a total bastard. With or without religion you can still be a total bastard. I’m anti-total bastard… not anti-religion. Any way, a recent read of GOD COLLAR (by Marcus Brigstocke) made me put finger to keyboard…

You should know me enough by now that this is not going to be a boring preachy blog….

Heck, I even drop Sometimespace’s first ‘C’ bomb…

For the sake of this blog, you have to take the stance that ‘God’ exists…

Before I start I should say that I am not so stupid as to completely say God does not exist… but I don’t believe God exists. You see, even scientists are still not sure of everything…

In fact one of the things that scientists always took to be a dead certainty… the speed of light being the fastest anything could be… has been found to be wrong…(for now…).

So where I don’t believe God exists, I am perfectly open to finding myself wrong. Much like scientists who thought the speed of light was the daddy of all speeds, they still had open minds that they might be wrong.

According to all I have seen and heard:

• We are the creations of God.
• God is supposedly perfect.
• God gave us free will.
• Disasters and such like are sent by God to test us.
• If the disasters are not sent to test us, they are sent to punish us.
• God knows everything.

So… let’s go back to the beginning….

God creates us. He is perfect and knows everything. He gives us free will.

He puts a tasty treat on a tree and says:

“Oi, Adam… Eve… Don’t touch that bloody tantalising piece of fruit… It’s gorgeous, succulent and you can’t touch it…or I’ll fuck you up”

I may have got the words slightly wrong, but it gives you the idea.

God created us… so knows EXACTLY what we are going to do when something like that is put in front of us. There’s no way he wouldn’t know this.

It’s like putting a fine crystal vase with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on it… on a low table… and telling a 3-year-old child to not touch it… and then leaving them alone in the room with that vase… AND THEN punishing that child AND ALL OF THEIR OFFSPRING FOR ETERNITY for going ahead and breaking that vase…

Any normal parent knows that leaving that pretty child attracting vase in easy reach is going to end in one way.

This means God was ALWAYS going to punish us… because God knew exactly what the outcome of the vase/apple would be….

The disasters, the floods, the diseases, the famines…. all punishments. All punishments for things that the all-knowing God KNEW we would do anyway.

What a wanker.

Feel my WRATH!!!!

No… wait… maybe he was ‘testing‘ us….

But again, if he is perfect he wouldn’t need to test us… He’s just throwing out debilitating illnesses to our children, giving our friends cancer and generally acting like a kid with a magnifying glass on a summer’s day…. next to an ant’s nest.

He’s doing it for fun and spite….

What a totally ass-hat of a wanker.

Maybe I shouldn’t write stuff like this… I could end up burning in Hell….. but then again, God would know I am going to write this… His bastardness knows no bounds.

Just going back to the ‘free will’ thing…. It doesn’t exist. I can go out and buy a burger when ever I want.

Some starving family in Africa can’t do that…. Sure, they have the free will to be able to do it, but they can’t. Your free will is limited to the physical things that you can actually do…. And seeing as God created everything, our ‘free will’ is TOTALLY DICTATED BY HIM…..

Free will my arse.

If God does exist, then I do not want to follow him. A God that knew all along what we’d do, and knew that we would do it… and then punishes us for doing it… A God that has taken some of my close friends and family (God created cancer, don’t you know… he created EVERYTHING)… A God that leaves my friends and family suffering… that threatens my child with damnation for doing exactly what God knew would happen…. You know what God, you can fuck off.

But wait…. Maybe God isn’t perfect….. Maybe the ‘tests‘ are to see if he’s done a good job making us….

YES! He’s not raining down destruction on us for fun… it’s all a test to make us better because he’s not prefect…. AND there you go…. I do not want to follow an imperfect God…. A God who couldn’t even make us correctly….

That would be like going to the hospital, putting your LIFE on the line and undergoing major surgery… and the surgeon doesn’t really know what they are doing, so is using you as a test subject… like a surgeon in the middle ages!!!

You’d be putting your life into the hands of a fuck-wit… You wouldn’t do that, would you?

This gives a few choices then….

• Follow the Perfect God… who is a cunt (yes, I said it).
• Follow the imperfect God… HA! Yes, Give your life up to someone who could be as wrong as you are…
• Don’t follow God.

You could – and this is just throwing it out there – just try living your life in such a way that it doesn’t totally piss off your fellow human too much, and to accept that your fellow human will try to live the same way… AND that if you do end up pissing each other off, that you have the ability to not start a war and just accept that people are different.

You could – and once again, this is wild and mad – work WITH your fellow human to find cures for disease, find solutions for disasters, get together and work as one to overcome NATURAL problems….

Come on… you know this God is a tosser who just loves to see us fight and kill and rape and murder. You know that if our own hatred to each other doesn’t get his omnipotent rocks off, that he’ll send forth famine and disease to help him reach his holy vinegar strokes…

This God is just a prom queen.. and spoilt cheerleader… the girl at school who knows she is hot, and that the boys all fight over her… and yet she lets the fights carry on because she likes it… She won’t say which religion is right… sorry, I mean she won’t end the fighting by telling the boys which one she wants.

You know this because if he really existed, he’d give a definitive, non-fairy tale, not hearsay sign to us to say he exists, and that all the religious groups should all play nicely…

Maybe a HUGE sign in the sky…. something that could only be him… and not mistaken for a weather balloon… or an oddly burnt piece of Jesus toast… Something like…

There you go… Religion…. and one of the reasons I try not to touch upon it…

Peace to you all, whatever you believe. You have free will to believe what you want, and I have the acceptance to let you get on with it… and even discuss it with me.

I’m open to everything… but until then, I’m staying a non believer who accepts there might be a God, but doesn’t believe there is.

Anyway, to finish…. to cleanse your palette… this video from ‘College Humour‘…. and Religious Nerds!!!