Tag Archives: life

Share this & save a life… REALLY.

Oh crap…. He’s on one!

Actually, by sharing this, you ARE more likely to help save a life, or protect an endangered species, or stop someone getting car jacked, or help raise money for truly needy charities and programs…

Money scams, charity requests, sick kids, murderers, stalkers of women drivers, dead soldiers, freebies, Facebook charges….. and OMG LOOK WHAT THIS GIRL WAS CAUGHT DOING BY HER DAD…….

Rather than fuelling the crap, why not check the validity of it at somewhere like snopes.com first?

I know you mean well…. but…… ARGH!!!!

You see, every time I see a scam ‘Share this to help raise money for this child with cancer‘ story in my Facebook feed, or a tweet… even if it is well meaning… a little bit of me dies.

Okay, so technically a little piece of all of us is dying all the time, as cells die and new ones regenerate… but that’s beside the point…

Very sad, but you're not helping THIS child... or anyone else.

Most of the stories are scams and falsehoods (verily).

They are contrived rubbish DESIGNED to make people want to spread them around.

Yes…. People are arseholes who prey on other people.

At best, all these continuous ‘PLEASE SHARE THIS!!! URGENT‘ etcetera stories just numb people, and eventually, like the kid who cried……

WOLF!!!! OH SHITOSHITOSHIT

…….people just ignore them, they become blasé …. and in doing so, the REAL stories… the REAL advice… the REAL charities…. that GOOD stuff gets ignored too.

A High Horse, Yesterday

Whilst I’m way up here on this high (but extremely valid) horse,  please….please…. don’t say things like;

Well, maybe the one legged child didn’t save the leprous old woman, but it’s a lovely story about human nature…

…because it isn’t. You’ve just made more people ignore REAL messages. You’ve just killed a rain forest and let more people die from an illness that NEEDED real help. Moron.

You’ll most likely find the messages, status updates, tweets etcetera, are variations of old emails that were written to make people spread the sad tales around, whilst actually spreading an attached virus that you didn’t know about.

Same goes for the emails, texts and messages that say:

Send this to 5 friends right now or an elephant will shit on your car and your first born will be born terminally stupid“.

Then people say “What harm can it do to share it? Ho ho!!!“… apart from the virus it may carry… or the fact that people will just end up ignoring relevant information you send them because they are so used to the bogus stuff you send out…. well…. no harm at all… Although are you really that crazed to think forwarding on this pap will actually get you some good luck… or do you really fear the bad things that might happen if you don’t forward it on?

Are you really from the Middle Ages?

Look, just extinguish that witch you are burning and stop worrying that the sky is falling and CHECK YOUR FACTS FIRST….

If you want to share something, it’s not better to be safe than sorry… it’s better TO BE RIGHT.

Less fictional, poorly researched crap means people take note of the real news, the real information…. I’m sure I’ve said that enough now….

So you see… by sharing THIS blog entry, and getting people to check sites such as snopes.com first before blindly sharing and posting bogus information, well…. you could save a life…. because the less cries of wolf there are, the more likely it is that people will take notice of the real stories again… and then those people might help the child, donate to charity, stop the internet virus…

Search Snopes.com FIRST

So, next time you see some repeated repeated repeated status update, tweet, message, email etc…. then share this blog entry with that person….

http://bit.ly/scamandspam

….and relax……


Planning a mid-life crisis

So I’ve just had my birthday and I realise that I don’t have a mid-life crisis planned.

After tweeting with friends about mid-life crisis’ I figure that a proper mid-life crisis must fulfil several criteria.

If you make a change at mid-life that works for you, then it’s just a change of life, an improvement that could have happened at any time you decided to try it – but for a mid-life crisis, it must be futile, ill thought out, a desperate grab at a lost youth and go some way to alienating you from others…. and generally be a short lived project before you return to what’s salvageable of youR life after the crisis is over…

With this in mind, the list was narrowed down into viable (even classic) mid-life crisis’.

Buying a motorbike.

The whole deal, along with all of the tight leathers (extra points for tassels). It would have to be the biggest, most bejewelled and outrageous Harley custom (or similar) or a razors edge race bike with lots of Z’s and X’s in the name – and possibly ending with the initials ‘TT’.

This would only be ridden during sunny days and garaged the rest of the time – under a custom-made cover. All the extras would be purchased for it, the chrome bits, the carbon bits, the sporty loud exhausts.

It would probably last a couple of years and then the iron horse would become a shelf for jars of nails, coat rack, old paint tins etc…

The kit car.

This is similar to the motorbike – although you never get to take it out of the garage. You get half way into the build… or maybe even just far enough to lean some wheels against the body shell to see what it will look like… and then your lose interest.

The engine will sit in the corner of the garage, the expensive tool box will sit full of unused tools, the carbs will sit on the work bench you made especially for the project.

The main body will sit for a few years in the garage before it moves into the back garden and rests under a fading tarpaulin. The larger spare parts will become one with the garden plants.

 

Ponytail.

Nuff said. If you already had one, fair enough… but growing one does not make you Peter Pan.

 

Form a band.

Remember at school when you and your mates said “let’s form a band!” and then spent the next few weeks figuring out a name, have a rehearsal or two… maybe play an assembly… and then realise how it wasn’t such a cool idea after all…?

Well 30 years later it suddenly comes back to you! Sure, this is a great idea! You’ve always had a guitar knocking around the place, and sure you play it competently (whilst sporting the ponytail, of course), so why wouldn’t you get together with a few other delusional mid-lifers to form a bad. Somehow you just know that the world needs more mediocre middle-aged cover bands to play at dodgy pubs and village fetes and carnivals (if you can reach those heady heights).

That being said, there are some bloody good bands out there that started this way. ‘Some’ being the key word. If it lasts longer than 12 months, then it is no longer just a mid-life crisis!

Xtreme sport.

Nothing helps recapture your youth like an injury from an extreme sport (this can mean ‘jogging’ in some people’s cases). Usually it involves tripping over your ski’s whilst trying them on in your bedroom, but you can tell everyone at the pub that you did it on a black run trying to save this kid who was showing off…. ah yeah, these kids!

Fair play to you if you take something up for the right reasons – after all, you reach an age and you need to take up some extra exercise to keep yourself in shape – but Super-X moto racing, skydiving, surfing, street luge…. these are not sports that you just go into halfway through your life…. Try tennis or badminton… or the typical ones of golf or squash.

 

Dress young, go clubbing.

Remember as a kid how you used to laugh at the guy who was as old as your dad and was well embarrassing coz’ he tried to speak cool like the kids and he dressed like he thought the kids dressed… which inevitably meant he looked like The Fonz… with a beer belly…. or a Ibiza DJ in Day-Glo shirt… with a beer belly… Well, that’s you now…. Don’t do it.

Whatever you do, if you do go down this route…. don’t then try to ice the cake by then going clubbing. It makes the whole sad package a whole lot sadder….

 

Buy a Porsche.

Yup…. nothing says ‘recaptured youth‘ like a ponytail flapping in the wind behind a balding head in a soft top Porsche…

 

Have an affair.

Getting a much younger girl on your arm (and more) is a fail-safe, 100% fool-proof way to recapture that feeling of youth that is slipping through your insecure fingers.

Hang on, what I meant was ‘having an affair is the fastest way to lose all the things you have managed to get up to this point in time, and piss the lot away, ending up with nothing more than even more regrets and the disrespect from your friends. You prick.

 

Have a break down.

If you don’t have the cash to spend on ill-fated hobbies, sports, tarts, dodgy haircuts etc, then you could just go for despair. Yes, life is slipping through your fingers, so let your stress build up and then strip naked in the middle of a shopping centre in rush hour and run around laughing. For added effect, cover yourself with your own filth.


It’ll get it out of your system quickly, probably won’t lose you as many friends as some of the things already listed above – and it may even get you some paid sick leave off of work so you can have even more time to reflect on how it’s all slipping away and you haven’t done anything with your life and …and… where’s that kit car magazine?

Don’t go too far though. Running around killing people isn’t going to help matters. Much like the running around covered in your own filth will only earn you more time to think about a wasted life, a prison sentence is going to give you WAY more of that time to regret your lost youth.

 

Actually…..

A lot of mid-life crisis moves are simply either redoing what you already did at school to be cool, but gave up on when you realised it wasn’t really cool…. or being financially able to do the things that you thought were cool at school, but didn’t have the cash to do them back then.

In these latter cases the idea never actually died…. it sat in your head for the next 30 years… and because it has always been in your head, waiting, it suddenly seems like a good idea as it fights for freedom in your middle-aged head…. It’s not…


The end of a decade…

Happy New Year…. New Decade EVERYONE!

This last one was like a shower with a mixer tap that just can’t make its mind up if it is hot or cold.

The worst of times, the best of times – all in the last ten years. I haven’t had a ten year stretch that has had such extremes.

Ryan – who was nearer a brother to me than a friend, died. – I got married.  – My Dad passed away.  – Alex was born.  – We lost house deal after house deal, money hand over fist, before we finally settled. – We gained 3 cats but lost one. –  I had to leave a job due to medical conditions (now cleared up).  – Met new friends, great friends –  Left another job after a works injury was shrugged off and left us on the edge of losing the house….and then landed in the great job I am in now. – I started shooting and got the highest awarded proficiency the NSRA give, won a few competitons… then had to quit shooting due to the works injury.  – I lost the last family member from my Dad’s family tree that had grown up with him and who had all the missing answers.  – Boilers failed leaving the house below freezing, water tanks ruptured flooding the loft!  – The family car was written off… Too much other stuff went down and up and up and down to mention – but it was a roller coaster.

Things I wouldn’t change for the world – and things I would do anything to change…

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold.

Things have settled down – One day at a time.

Here’s hoping the plumbing is sorted for the next ten years – it would be good to have a bit of middle ground for once.


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