Tag Archives: joke

Balloon Management

Haven’t heard this in a while. Was reminded of it today by a friend (Alison Jacobs).

The Balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realised she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.

She descended a bit more and shouted: ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.’

The man below replied, ‘You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.’

‘You must be an Engineer,’ said the balloonist.

‘I am,’ replied the man, ‘how did you know?’

‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, ‘everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip by your talk.’

The man below responded, ‘You must be in Management.’

‘I am,’ replied the balloonist, ‘but how did you know?’

‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my f**king fault.’

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Why Men don’t write advice columns

I was sent this by a good friend of mine and I had to share it! Many thanks Irosh Peiris!

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns


Walter’s Agony Column.

Dear Walter,

I  hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.  I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.  I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter.  I’m 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbours daughter is 22.

We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.  He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.  He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him any more.

Can you please help?
Sincerely,

Sheila

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Dear Sheila,


A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused  by a variety of faults with the engine.  Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.  If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could  be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,
Walter

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