Tag Archives: chav

2010 – Snow Joke

Okay… boiler is dying. Downstairs radiators have given up the ghost.

Some dope cracked my Audi headlamp by wheel spinning in gritted snow.

I’ve been off work for the past week with a bad case of flu, topped off with a chest infection – I’ve been boiling, freezing, shaking, sweating, creaking… blah blah…. fed up of the whole thing, and now finding it very hard to breathe, A bit like having a weight on my chest and trying to breathe through a folded up towel… probably (I’ve not tried).

Then stroking our big black cat I find a lump between his shoulder blades… so a trip to the vet is due….

2010 is being a git.

Anyway, it wasn’t a totally bad start – We had snow, and Alex loved it.

Before I became ill I had a good week of snow fun with Alex. It was tainted by idiot chav types knocking the snowman’s head off – but I fixed it with a metal pole in the end. I had to use the pole because the snow had turned to ice crystals and wasn’t sticking together!

Eventually the chav idiots twisted the head around – but a bit more snow and warmer weather meant he could be rebuilt again…

Eventually the weather turned even warmer… and the snowman took his last gasp….

So… for a bit of fun, rather than focusing on the current bad hand 2010 has dealt us, here are some pictures of the snowman… as he morphed through attacks by chavs and weather…



Was beheaded.




Beheaded… then re-headed with a pole… then head twisted around



Mr. Iced T

Too tough for the Chavs…



Things got too warm though….

Frostys last stand

Some things we CAN’T do

Tim Westwood is a prime example of why the UK should just leave some American stuff alone. I’m talking about the UK version of MTV’s “Pimp My Ride”.

The guy is a tall skinny white guy who tries so hard to be American “Gangsta” … and he fails comically! Waving his arms around like a rhythmically challenged orangutan, he shouts out “cool” phrases that probably sound wicked in his head, and would be cool coming from someone more credible. The guy is a joke. Referring to himself in the third person as “The Big Dog” doesn’t even start to help his case.

Over the other side of the pond you get Xzibit hosting the show, and the guy is well lodged in the cool zone. He doesn’t look uncomfortable in his actions or speech, where as Westwood just doesn’t seem to fit the words, slang or even his own clothes!

Old UK cars just don’t pimp up either. The old American cars generally have style to start with, but old Fiat Panda’s or Austin Metros just don’t do “cool” at all!

The UK garage crew also look way out of place. These people may have skills, but they look so strained when they try to act all street tough and hip (dude!).

America again, and the garage crew look like the people you’d want to build you a cool car…

Xzibit… Odd name, but pretty cool… and we put forward a Timothy as our cool host…

What were we thinking? I hear the name “Timothy” and I think of Ronnie Corbett in a crap TV sitcom… You hear the name Xzibit, then see the guy, and he just fits the image much better!

I watch the show now and then, and there is a difference in how I view the show. In America I like the cars (cool before pimping, cooler afterwards) and the people in the show (who look much more natural and not out of their depth).

I’ll watch the UK show for a laugh! They all look like they are being fed lines, and the cars are just so poor! Yeah, the UK garage crew may do a good job, but a good job on an Austin Allegro is still just an Austin Allegro…

One line I heard today cracked me up..,

Wow guys, my car was just a wreck on wheels, but now I have the meanest looking beast in Cornwall….

Oh dear indeed….

What’s wrong here?

So I was in the local Doctors surgery for some follow up on my back. I’m on the heavier hitting pills again after my sitting sneeze the other day, but I digress…

Whilst I was waiting in an empty waiting room, a family came in. The surgery isn’t in a great area, but it is a good one, which is why we selected it. Anyway, the area does reflect the type of patients that often frequent the place. Burberry, 30 year old grandmothers, hoodies and such like – you get the picture…

The family that came in consisted of a lad who must have been less than 10. The two adults were male and female… at a push they might have been the mum and dad, but I wouldn’t bet on it. As they came in I was hit by an eye burning reek of cheap aftershave. Typical knuckle dragger conversation kicked off with added vulgarity between the three.

Then it happened…

The woman says to the kid:
“How much bloody aftershave you wearing?”

It’s a trip to the doctors… He’s about ten and not even near shaving age… He’s used a bottle or two of aftershave… Why is he even wearing it?

Maybe it covered the smell of the fags he’d smoked after nicking them from his mums handbag… Just a thought…

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