Clean up in aisle 9

Okay, so there I am with shopping basket in hand just picking up a few essentials… and non-essentials too…

It was when I was going to pick up the non-essentials that the “thing” appeared…

I was walking down the chocolate aisle (oh how that name was so right…), when I saw a strange thing on the floor.

The thing was a poop. I had to double take to make sure my eyes were not lying. My eyes had no reason to lie – we’ve always got on well with each other – we even go out everywhere and do everything together… they had no reason to lie.

The poop had a wheel mark right through the centre of it where someone else’s eyes had totally let the owner down. Not like my eyes.

I called over a store assistant and pointed out the poop. The assistant did a double take – it was the chocolate aisle after all and it could have been an errant Mars bar…. but no… the store assistants eyes obviously had a good relationship with the store assistant and the same conclusion was made. It was a poop that had been run over by a trolley.

I walked away from the poop and left the assistant pondering what to do. I was left pondering how the poop had even got there. I can only come up with one conclusion…. It was human poop.

A guide dog is well trained, and therefore would not poop indoors. If it had to poop it would not poop in the middle of an aisle. Also, it was not dog poop looking – it looked human…. small human. I know small human poop as I have a small human.

My reckoning is that a small human – I’ll wager a child (I’m not about to bet a child on this – I mean I’ll bet it was a child).

Either a child who couldn’t keep it in and it just fell out of the bottom of their trouser leg, or the more amusing Houdini Poop.

The Houdini Poop is one that my small human managed once. Little Alex was only about 18 months old and sitting in his high chair as he ate. It was then I noticed a poop under the chair. Alex had managed to sit in such a way that the poop had managed to escape the nappy, scootch down the trouser leg and land directly under his chair…in perfect condition.

Reasonably happy with my conclusion I walked towards the checkout and past the chocolate aisle again….

I glanced up the chocolate aisle and saw five store assistance stood around the poop… all musing on how it had got there.

I figured they could reach there own conclusion – who am I to take away the excitement of an event that will probably be the talk of the staff room for years to come! (Who’d be that interested in poop! Not me!…. said the poop blog writer…)

As I walked back to my car I wondered if that same poop would have been cheaper in Asda….

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About LB

http://www.sometimespace.com http://about.me/thelucasblack View all posts by LB

2 responses to “Clean up in aisle 9

  • bearablescents

    hahahah, OH that was hilarious , Poop Happens!!

  • Elle Sergi

    My little sister left a human poop right in the middle of my other sister’s doorway when she was being potty trained. Presumably as a gift? After all, we did all used to go crazy with joy when she’d come and announce in her baby talk “i did a poo-pooooo” We spent a long while looking for this one when it transpired her potty was as clean as the hands of an OCD sufferer.

    Lovely.

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